Seeing is believing

Isn't it weird how someone can sound handsome? Like you actually take the extra moment to think, hey, this person sounds totally good-looking? I was talking with some folks and the subject came up that someone had been been chatting with someone who I'll dub, Mr. Sounds Handsome. It turns out that through a couple of degrees of separation (something like a spouse's co-worker's brother), they discovered that Mr. SH is short, heavy, and has a receding hairline. I know, I know...not that any of that could not make a very attractive man, but the person who initially talked with Mr. SH inferred that she was picturing a more stereotypical type of handsome. I'm guessing a David Beckham-type made more attainably human with a soft belly, nervous foot-tapping habit, bad credit, or a less-than-flattering haircut.

Anyhoo, this reminded me when I was waitressing back in the 90's. A new girl started and I asked what she did before and she said she had been a phone s*x operator. Does anyone remember 900 numbers? I know, soooo 90's! With the proliferation of the internet, 900 numbers are real dinosaurs. Anyhoo, for those too young to remember, 900 numbers were numbers one would dial for chat rooms, gambling tips, or phone s*x and the toll charges were ridiculous--anywhere from $1 to $10 (and up!) a minute--and they'd try to keep you on the phone as long as possible. An unfortunate side effect was that a lot of these folks faced huge financial problems due to addiction to these 900 numbers.

Well of course I asked her what she talked about and she said that the caller usually leads the direction and you simply go with it. Ooo, this is making me so h0t...yeah, I'm going to leave the badge on, you nasty burglar...I'm going to grab this can of whipped cream...or this jar of mayo?...The mayo? Right...'cause you're soooo nasty... Surprisingly, she kind of made the job sound like the dirty adult version of talking with a baby. You want the bottle? Or the crackers?...ooo, now you're happy...you are soooo cute...

One obvious cool thing of such a job was it didn't matter what you looked like. I mean, a gawky girl in glasses like myself could have done this. And this girl was pretty much a cross between Jonah Hill and a Frida Kahlo self portrait painting. I know, I know...not that a heavy girl with wild curly hair and an upper lip that begged to be waxed can't be attractive (as a woman who has to take care of her own 'stashe, I'm acutely aware when someone could easily take care of such things). But I'm guessing these dudes paying $10 a minute were picturing someone more like Demi Moore or a resident of the Playb0y mansion.

Well, bottom line, she said it didn't pay as well as you'd think because she worked in a call center and got an hourly wage. So she decided to try waitressing to pick up more money. She ended up being a terrible waitress (couldn't get orders right, short to the customers), so it kind of made me wonder if she was much better as a phone s*x operator. Goodness knows, I wasn't going to spend the money to find out. And besides what would I talk about?

I don't have a moral to this story except possibly, that things may not be as they seem. It just took me back in time. Way back. To the time of 900 numbers.