Old Lady Stinkeye

I don't know when I crossed the line into crabby old ladydom. I know I'm no longer hip, I don't comprehend why Paris Hilton is famous, I don't know who is on "The Hills", and I admit that if I'm lucky, I know about 10% of the albums on those annual Top 100 Albums of the Year lists. I also admit that I say things like, "Kids today...", "When I was young...", while I shake my fist in the air. And not in any kind of cool, fist-bump kind of way.

One thing that totally happened in the black hole between my youth and my current age is the "hip" fashion for young men to wear their pants super low, exposing their boxers.

I was at the gym yesterday morning and there was this kid, I'm guessing about 20, whose basketball shorts were so low that I swear, his basketball shorts were below the butt cheeks of his boxers. If it weren't for the doorbell in front holding up his shorts, they would have been down around his ankles.

How did this look ever become popular? First, it's not flattering in the least. A thin veneer of plaid divides my sight from your sweaty butt cheek skin. Who do you honestly think that attracts? Do you really think that's a good thing? Second it's completely annoying to behold, kind of like watching a kid who has a rivulet of snot running down his face or a child whose hair is covering their eyes. You just want take a tissue and wipe their face or sweep the hair away and scream, how are you functioning?! And finally, exposing so much of your boxers looks stupid. This appearance is up there with hair krimping and "Hammer" pants. It looks good on no one. No one.

Admittedly, I could have been extra grouchy because it was early and despite exercising every day of the Thanksgiving holiday, I still managed to gain weight, but I was totally irritated by the sight of this kid's sense of "style". I gave him the crankiest stinkeye, which frankly was pretty easy since my cranky was already set to 10.

Struggling through a set of lunges only ratcheted my cranky up to 11. Right then and there I was pretty much ready to walk over to the boy and say, Look, I don't know if the string on those shorts needs to be re-tied or if you're cultivating a look. Because, unless the look you're going for is "Big Gay Bear Bait", you're failing. Please pull up your damn shorts, son.

But lo and behold, when I finished my lunges, he had pulled up his basketball shorts. The stinkeye worked. Which, of course, means I must have one ugly old lady stinkeye.