FIFA World Cup 2010 - Trying to get on board

Not being raised a sports fan and this being the USA, I've had very little exposure to professional soccer, or football, as everyone but the USA calls it.

But given the huge international inclusion of it and the significance of South Africa as host--I'm trying to get on board with the FIFA World Cup this year.

First off, I do give major props to these players. No doubt about it, they are Athletes, with capital A. Bodies carved from relentlessly chasing a ball for 90 minutes on a huge field and the stamina and endurance to do so demand respect. Apparently it's not uncommon for a lot of these players to run 3-7 miles in a single game. Wow.

Second, I get the "accessibility" of the sport that all the current articles remind me of--all you need is something to kick (ideally round) and a goal. Players from all walks of life can participate and international football has garnered some of the best rags-to-riches stories out there.

And finally, as the World Cup happens only once every 4 years, it's EPIC. Qualifying for the World Cup is a huge feat in itself and then the World Cup takes place over FOUR WEEKS. It's like the Olympics but it's all about football. I love the pageantry as they enter the field and the adorable South African children that escort and stand by teams from all over the world--a grounded moment of touching sweetness before they all scramble on the field for an hour and a half.

Now here is what I'm struggling with:

First, I've watched bits of a few games and it appears to be a very low-scoring sport. Or amazingly, sometimes no-scoring. I saw a lot of the Argentina/Nigeria matchup on Saturday, which featured one of the most lauded players: Lionel Messi (playing for Argentina). You know what the score was? 1-0, Argentina. Holy cow. This means during 90 minutes (yes, an hour and a half) of playing, only one goal was scored. I kind of get that it's indicative of a great game between two top dogs, but yeesh, it's like trying to sneeze for 90 minutes. Now I get why that infamous sportscaster screams "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAALLLLL!" like a man who waited for his wedding night after a very long engagement. No wonder there are riots at these games--that's pretty much an hour and half of pent-up tension. And now I understand why some of these goal-scorers cry after finally getting the ball between the posts.

Second, the noise. I've watched football americano on tv and even attended a few games in the stadium but the constant buzzing horn noise during these games is insane. It's like there are bees inside my brain when I watch a game with the sound on. Someone told me that the horn noise is specific to this World Cup, but either way, it makes it hard for me to stay tuned in. I need to hear that noise like I need to hear the phrase "Bros before Hos" or "You got it, Bro-chacho". And by that I mean, I don't ever want to hear it.

And finally, I struggle with the nationalism of these games. I know this is not exclusive to the World Cup and I understand it is a HUGE deal to be representing your country in such high achievement in sport and skill. The brawling at regular games is bad enough--and yes, I know such poor fan behavior is not uncommon in many American pro sports--but when a Columbian football player is shot down in broad daylight for accidentally getting in a goal for the other team, I question if such representation goes too far. Or when the Iraqi football team said that Saddam Hussein's son-in-law used to have them tortured after bad games, I would definitely such representation goes too far when such punishment is state-sanctioned. So as I watched the PRK (North Korean) team play against #1 Brazil this afternoon, I couldn't help but root for them, if mostly out of pity that a decent game wouldn't get their food rations cut off or hopefully buy some time out of the coal mines. Thankfully, though they didn't win, they at least scored a goal in their 2-1 loss. Please tell me that at least their family got their rice ration today.

Anyhoo, I'm giving it a go. I've got a friend at work who is schooling me in strategy and standing in these games. Now if I can actually get up early enough to watch some of these games--games play at 4:30am, 7:00am, and 11:30am here on the left coast.

Let's go World.