Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I cannot have both WWF and NFL

My paranoid fear/reasoning has come to fruition: I cannot play well in both Words With Friends and my football picks at the same time. Fate simply does not allow me enough luck for both. I started getting nervous when decent tiles and positioning were opening up on my WWF boards. I actually thought, uh-oh, this can't be good for my football picks. At 11:55am on Sunday, I panicked and opened up my picks and stared.

Velina, what do I do?

I don't know. What do these numbers mean?

Argh. I quickly explained the concept of winning by the point spread with the yes/no option.

She pointed to the orange helmet marked CLE and said, Well, I hear Clemson isn't doing so well.

Sigh. Has this girl learned nothing from living in this house? Velina, Clemson is college. This is pro. This is Cleveland. Gaaaaaahhhhh.

Was this what I was reduced to? Consulting an 11-year-old who only likes football for the chips, pizza, root beer floats, and nachos involved? There had to be a better way.

Mom! What are you doing?

I'm reversing all my picks sweetie...[sfx: mouse clicking]

That's crazy Mom. Stop.

I stopped midway. And realized my pizza-eating 11-year-old was right. I felt like that character in a lame movie where the crazed overeater can no longer stand her strict diet and ends up gnawing at a billboard cheeseburger. Or the idiot in the slasher movie who decides to call out the serial killer- You want a piece of me?! Come and get me! -right before a sickle comes flying out from nowhere and decapitates his dumb stupid head. Reason had left to use the bathroom and panic settled into its warm place on the couch.

In that brief moment as I was maniacally clicking and reversing my initial picks, that's what I saw in the proverbial mirror in my mind: Me hypnotized by the Crazy. And it was not pretty. It was only the shrill voice of 11-year-old reason that woke me from that ugly seduction.

As it turns out, reversing half of my picks had mostly an even-Steven effect and didn't really affect my score. Which was: HALF WRONG.

I should just do the most reasonable thing: wish my luck in WWF falls back down again.

2 comments:

Tomb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pound said...

bwahahaha is that why i'm beating your ass in wwf right now?